I really loved the language. I felt, though, that too much is happening here. Be a lion and pick just one zebra. One small thing you might want to try: give the protagonist a more complicated motivation. On the whole, though, I really liked it.

One of the ones I thought I read last night mentioned the story starting on page 20... What's scary is the first three I read made perfect sense -- the fourth one contradicted itself. (Grin) Must've been the last of sleep...

Dr. Phil