ext_88362 ([identity profile] dr-phil-physics.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] dr_phil_physics 2006-08-05 07:03 pm (UTC)

I really loved the language. I felt, though, that too much is happening here. Be a lion and pick just one zebra. One small thing you might want to try: give the protagonist a more complicated motivation. On the whole, though, I really liked it.


One of the ones I thought I read last night mentioned the story starting on page 20... What's scary is the first three I read made perfect sense -- the fourth one contradicted itself. (Grin) Must've been the last of sleep...

Dr. Phil

Post a comment in response:

(will be screened)
(will be screened if not validated)
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.
More info about formatting