Dr. Phil's Dreamwidth Journal

Oh look, she's back. The lady with the Sponsored Facebook post that might be about Tesla and stabbing -- or not (DW) (LJ):



Same triple threat retreaded low information click bait info repeated three times. But it's a new picture. What IS that thing? At least the last time I recognized a portable generator.

Wait, this isn't the same person. Because further down in today's Facebook feed we get a rerun of the Sponsored FB post I displayed from Evelyn Hernandez on Monday:



Oh Christine Bishop, you're a copycat. If I'd had doubts that this wasn't a clickbait scam, they're gone now. And nice touch that both these "ladies" are blonds.

Sigh. I can see I'll be getting more of these "posts" in my feed for days now, maybe weeks.

I swear we need a better class of scammer.

Dr. Phil

Posted on Dreamwidth
Crossposted on LiveJournal

What fresh new hell is this? Phone rings. Pause. Recording starts -- "This is Kate, Google+ Specialist. It is extremely urgent that we reach the owner of the business. We have tried to send you messages..." (*Click*)

Okay. First off, what the fuck is a Google+ Specialist? Who the hell needs such a thing?

And then, what business? This is a home phone number. You're not inspiring me with confidence.

And due diligence? If you've got my "business" on Google+, you probably have access to my email address, my blogs or my website. Also, why am I suspicious that you have SO MANY urgent contacts to make that (a) Kate or her compatriots can't come to the phone and talk or (b) leave a message? Since you have the phone number.

And then, once you have my phone number, you should know that you haven't been trying to get a hold of this "business" owner, because except for two hours on Monday and maybe three on Saturday, this house has been continuously manned by someone, 24/7, for the last week.

Finally, does anyone even USE Google+ anymore?

In short, you have to be a very stupid phishing scam AND you interrupted my work.

On the plus side, it's a pleasure to speak "Alexa, stop" and not only have my Echo stop playing my music, but "Alexa, resume" will get it going again.

Still, it is such a chore to have to put down the Kindle AND have to lift a phone receiver. If only Alexa could answer the phone. And explain to spammers that "Your call is important to us..."

Dr. Phil

Posted on Dreamwidth
Crossposted on LiveJournal

Oh Yes, It's Time Again...

... to discuss the voicemails I get for The Dr. Phil Show. And no, that's not my ego crowing about my mix of storytelling, performance art and science in my Physics classes. It's people trying to get that Other Dr. Phil. You know, friend of Oprah. Has a big TV show. Is going bald.

Take today. Google "dr. phil" and I show up on hits 9 and 10 of the first page. Try "dr. phil show" and a site for fanmail for the Dr. Phil Show shows up as hit 67 and I don't show up until, well, I didn't show up at all in the first 300 hits. Try "dr. phil address" and ding-ding-ding!, I'm #5! Of course this web page says:

I am NOT the "other" Dr. Phil -- Dr. Phil McGraw -- who has the TV show. Please do NOT mail or call me with your problems!
I teach Physics courses to science and engineering students at Western Michigan University. Sorry. You might want to try clicking on THIS link to the Dr. Phil Show for help.

For Dr. Philip Edward Kaldon...

I then did a search on my university office phone number and hit #10 was this:


Yikes! Red flag alert! Look at the URL -- would you go to a place like that? And what the hell does an Oster food grinder have to do with the Dr. Phil Show? (evil grin)

I'm sure this isn't the only "sewer" site out there -- this is how people get my phone number. It's an aggregater site, with text run together from a whole lot of websites about Dr. Phil, so that it'll show up in Google. I got that from Google's cached copy -- the original page tries to go somewhere else and Norton Anti-Virus announces that someone is trying to attack your computer. Nice.

Though I will admit that the full text of my "I am not the Dr. Phil on TV" is in their page. Just not on their Google search snippet. Not that you'd want to go to a nasty piece of work like that to begin with.

So I Get Messages

Today there were three messages. The first was a hangup. Second told me in no uncertain terms that my outgoing message couldn't be understood and that I need to rerecord it -- repeated three times -- and that they are trying to get in touch with the Dr. Phil Show and would I call them back. And then they didn't leave their number. The third was from late last night, a very troubled sounding person desperate to talk to Dr. Phil from Washington state. Sigh.

I can't help these people. They don't believe me anyway, they are sure they HAVE found the second phone number for Dr. Phil and won't take No for an answer.

As for my outgoing message, I called it from my office on my cellphone. Surrounded by computers and such, I don't have the best reception here anyway. Plus cellphone fidelity combined with the Voice Over Internet phone system they switched to, isn't perfect. But the real problem with my message is that it explains that I teach Physics at Western Michigan University, and if you are a student of mine, to say which course you are in during your message. See, the problem is the message isn't understandable because the words aren't what these people want to hear.

Sigh.

To delete this message, press 7. To hear other options... 7... Message erased. Next message...

Dr. Phil

Grokked From Scalzi's Blog

John Scalzi's Whatever today has an article on James Frey preying on MFA writing program students with a really lousy book packaging contract, referenced from a New York Magazine article about the YA novel packaging mill Full Fathom Five -- you can read the details there.

Yeah, we're talking about turning your work over to another person, who will control it, not you. And losing one's copyright. For up to a big $250-$500 payday. Plus promises of more if there's a media deal for TV or film. Makes one wonder what the hell they teach in MFA writing programs. Apparently, there's not much publishing business being taught. And to re-write James Frey, "a crappy deal is still a crappy deal, not an opportunity".

One of the commenters wanted to know if, after the Cooks Source scandal about plagiarism, has this become something like National Kick Authors Month? Sadly, no. People have stolen other people's writing and come up with massively unjust contracts for a long time. Another commenter suggested that people would be "better", for very poor values of "better", going the self-publishing route than with this contract. The only good news is that these things usually only affect a few writers.

As for James Frey, he's not a stranger to controversy and questionable ethics. You can read in the Wikipedia article about his A Million Little Pieces, which had been an Oprah featured book. This new deal isn't going to polish his starry little luster very much, IMHO.

I'm sure there'll be more about this on the web. But my point is basically that if you want to be a published writer, that doing a little research on your part and asking people about the business side of writing will go a long way to cut down on the odds of you being taken advantage of. And some people will allow themselves to be taken advantage of, because they either buy the deal or don't know any better.

Really.

Dr. Phil

Here's The Hollywood Version

Imagine that you have access to a decent telescope. That even though you're just a school kid, you identify a new asteroid or comet. Later this object is found to be on a collision course with the Earth. OMG We're All Going To Die! (Deep Impact)

Of course interplanetary space is lousy with asteroids and comets. Indeed, an astronomy course at Calvin College in Grand Rapids requires its students as part of the course's lab to locate a previously unknown asteroid. Amateurs can definitely be a part of astronomy -- and have for a long time. And really, if there is a killer asteroid or comet heading our way -- and a couple of years ago we discovered a large asteroid AFTER it passed between the Earth and the Moon -- we have no good way of stopping it, so We're Really All Going To Die!

Imagine that you're a law school student and you uncover a conspiracy involving big oil, environmental damage... and the assassination of two Supreme Court justices. OMG Our Very Freedoms Are Being Bought And Sold And We're All Going To Die! (The Pelican Brief)

While law school students are not yet lawyers, they are hardly legal amateurs either. Not only are they expected to be able to do research and write briefs, it is expected that many will write important legal opinions in law review and get clerkships to judges and legislators -- thereby helping to make our very laws. Indeed, it has been the research of law students at Northwestern and other law schools which have investigated the flaws in the application of the death penalty in this country, or championed the use of new DNA analysis technology to solve old cases and clear the innocent. And if two Supremes really were assassinated, I think the word about a real conspiracy would come out. Too many people in the investigation and too many people who still think that Constitutional law is a Good Thing.

Or consider a physics grad student who solves a thorny problem of hydrogen resonant "bubble" fusion, only to find himself on the run from a killer thug secret agency project that doesn't want the secrets of powerful, clean energy sources to ruin the economy of the rich people. OMG They Killed Kenny! You Bastards! We're All Going To Die! (Chain Reaction)

First of all, physics grad students and post-docs are expected to discover things. For some, it's the most productive years of their research careers. They are hardly amateurs, even though they still have lots to learn. Discovering a new energy source or a vastly cleaner method isn't the end of the world to business. Even if 100 mpg cars were actually possible, for reasonable family and commuter vehicles as we use them now, it would take decades to turn such an invention into a real car, make it safe and reliable, then put into production and have it dominate the automobile market. And even if 100 mpg cars were for sale now, not everyone would buy one. Why? Because of costs. Gas is, relatively speaking, still cheap. If you have a car that gets 25 mpg now, how much money would you save per month if you cut that figure by a factor of four. Would three-quarters of your current monthly gasoline bills equal a new car payment? Probably not. This is why "everyone" is not buying 40-50 mpg hybrids now -- there's a premium cost for hybrid technology and for the most part you buy a hybrid because you want to buy a hybrid. And most of those buying hybrids now would have bought similarly sized nice smaller cars in the first place, had the hybrids not been available. So the conspiracy notion is odd, though not impossible. But it makes for a helluva chase movie.

What's Missing From This Equation

The difference between the Hollywood version and Real Life is the role of experts. We depend on experts in their field every day for so many things. It is the experts who are in part our gatekeepers to keep the madness out of our lives. This doesn't mean that experts all agree or they don't make mistakes. But there comes a time when a confluence of experts form a consensus opinion and we move on.

Oh, and who is an expert? An expert is someone who has the knowledge, education, experience, credentials and recognition in their field of expertise. While the first four are part of your resumé, the last is an acknowledgment of your peers. Self-appointed experts need not apply.

It is not likely that amateurs, and especially amateurs with grandiose notions and visions of conspiracies everywhere, are going to come up with something to challenge the combined opinions of the experts. Not impossible, mind you, which is good policy and good science, but unfortunately give certain whacko fringe amateurs the green light to proceed. We want to believe that a Ben Affleck really can crash a Presidential meeting and reveal his contrary analysis and save us from idiots wanting to blow up the world. (The Sum of All Fears)*** But that isn't really going to happen. And so far, we're still here.

Common sense and rational thought eventually persevere. Whew. It was close there for a minute. But not OMG It's The End Of The World! If some amateur really does have the secret to a disaster and the experts disagree, then I guess we're screwed. But I like the odds, so I can live with it.

Dr. Phil

*** OMG, Morgan Freeman is in THREE of the FOUR films I mentioned. It's A Conspiracy! We're All Going To Die!

A Horrifying Development

Lots of people read romances. And the paranormal romances are clearly a cousin of genre writing -- and sometimes it is a pretty artificial division. I read Marjorie Liu's stuff, and Meljean Brook -- these are authors I know from Clarion and online, respectively.

Growing up, the brand name Harlequin seemed synonymous with Romance to me -- I guess in terms of sales, for good reason. But recently Harlequin decided to announce a new venture, essentially mining their slush pile for an in-house vanity press operation. For God's sake, Publisher's Weekly ran a news flash with a straight face. I heard about this first via Nick Kaufmann via Nick Mamatas.

But now Scalzi and Making Light have lit in, because -- Thank God! -- the RWA (Romance Writers of America), MWA (Mystery Writers of America) and SFWA (Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America) have all condemned the move. In particular, RWA is to be commended, seeing as they have the most to gain and lose in this effort:

One of your member benefits is the annual National Conference. RWA allocates select conference resources to non-subsidy/non-vanity presses that meet the eligibility requirements to obtain those resources. Eligible publishers are provided free meeting space for book signings, are given the opportunity to hold editor appointments, and are allowed to offer spotlights on their programs.

With the launch of Harlequin Horizons, Harlequin Enterprises no longer meets the requirements to be eligible for RWA-provided conference resources. This does not mean that Harlequin Enterprises cannot attend the conference. Like all non-eligible publishers, they are welcome to attend. However, as a non-eligible publisher, they would fund their own conference fees and they would not be provided with conference resources by RWA to publicize or promote the company or its imprints.

Sometimes the wind of change comes swiftly and unexpectedly, leaving an unsettled feeling. RWA takes its role as advocate for its members seriously. The Board is working diligently to address the impact of recent developments on all of RWA’s members.

So far, it sounds as if Harlequin sounds hurt, but has removed the name Harlequin from the new venture. It has not, however, decided to skip becoming "Romance Publish America".

Why This Is Evil

Self-publishing is when you hire someone to print your work -- it is very useful for certain limited interest publications, gifts and small runs of things for family & friends. Vanity publishing is when you hire someone to pretend you're a professional author -- they make you believe that your book is "just like" something which has been vetted and marketed by a real publisher.

As annoying as rejection is and as big as slush piles get at real publishers, you really can't judge your own work all that fairly. For someone else to say, "hey, this is good, we can work with this, and we'd like to pay you this much to publish your work", is setting the minimum bar level.

In real publishing, money goes to the author.

If I put up a story on this LJ or on my website, http://dr-phil-physics.com , I'm doing this for fun and/or to give people a taste of my writing for free -- especially given that some of my real publications are hard to get. And I've been using unpublished stories so as not to interfere with those who have published me. But I know these are not vetted, edited works. They are my words and I can give them away if I feel like, provided they're not under contract elsewhere.

For you to pay Harlequin, or its minions, hundreds or thousands of dollars to produce books that likely will not sell and will never get promoted to "the real publishing arm" is a scam. The bait-and-switch aspect of slush piles and rejection letters is just too vile to support. Harlequin's management should be ashamed of themselves and grovel at the feet of their authors, their readers and the writers' organizations like RWA and beg their forgiveness and vow to sin no more forever. Period.

So far, no. Clearly we are misunderstanding Harlequin.

And this has to be CRUSHED IN THE BUD, lest in these dangerous financial times, other legitimate publishers begin to start thinking -- hey, I've got this fucking big slush pile, too, and maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be so bad if I followed Harlequin's lead. And don't get all sanctimonious that hey, it was Harlequin that did this, one of those Romance publishers, complete with the eye rolling of superiority. Because it could happen to anyone in any genre. No, really. It could happen elsewhere.

NO. It'd be BAD. It's not RIGHT. And you people all know it. Preying on the wallets of those with hopes and dreams of becoming published authors is WRONG. And EVIL.

So just STOP IT. NOW.

And please, PLEASE, PLEASE... Don't Fall For This Shit Yourself.

Dr. Phil

Amidst The Tons Of Dreck and Crap

Which arrives daily in my email, most of which fortunately gets picked up by the spam filters, a few messages really stand out. I have no idea what this scam is about, but it's pretty hilarious:

Let Us Count The Ways...

... that this is a stupid email.

(1) Why would I be getting a prize announcement from a medical school student (or faculty or staff) at another U.S. university?

(2) If you use the £ pound sign, why would you use GBP (Great Britain Pounds) as well? It's either £750,000.00 or 750,000.00GBP.

(3) Bad grammar: "and a £750,000.00GBP."

(4) What kind of a contest/prize system DOESN'T MENTION WHO IS GIVING AWAY THE PRIZE? The med school student?

(5) What kind of deep pockets does this person/organization have, to give away multiple big prizes? There were two, three dozen names in the Send To list.

(6) What kind of moron would put all these prize winners email addresses in ONE email?

(7) Are we really to believe a prize offer from someone whose last name is GRAFT?

But The Best Part

... is the signature line, "Electronic Mail is not secure, may not be read every day, and should not be used for urgent or sensitive issues."

Well golly gee, Batman, why are you handing out BMW's and three-quarters of a million quid via email?

The Internets -- they are so dumb sometimes.

Dr. Phil

PS - Apologies to any real Courtney Grafts out there in the Real World. I know my email name gets used in vain by scammers and idiots, so someone out there is probably cursing me for no good reason, too.

Real School

Tuesday was Exam 3 in my PHYS-1070 class. Next Tuesday is the Final Exam. Summer sessions -- seven and a half weeks in and out and gone. Don't blink or get sick or break up with your dog, because there isn't time.

May and June goes fast this way, but I love doing this.

Faux School

Got this e-mail today. Decided to copy it, typos and bizarre use of diacritic marks and all, rather than delete it. I did decide not to quote the header, with the Geocities e-mail address (Geocities? sn*cker) with one name in the tag and a completely different name in the e-mail address, plus the university e-mail addresses it was spammed to. Why give this idiot the business?

Subject: Business Admin-Degree

No Exams/Books/Tests/Interview/classes
100% No Pre-School qualificatïon requirëd!

------------------------------
Inside USA: 1-646-xxx-xxxx
0utside USA: +1-646-xxx-xxxx
------------------------------

Bacheelor, Degree, MasteeerMBA, PhD]) (non acçredited) available in the Fie|d of your choice so you can even become a dooctor and receive All the beenefits That comes with it!

Please lëave beloww 3 Info in Voîcemáil:

1) Yóur name
2) Your country
3) Yôur phone no. [please include Coµntrycode]

Call Now!! 24-hours a day, 7-Days a Week waiting For your call

------------------------------
Inside USA: 1-646-xxx-xxxx
0uutside USA: +1-646-xxx-xxxx
------------------------------

Our Staff will get back to You in 1-3 workingg days

If this degree is non-accredited, then what benefits (beenefits?) could possibly come with it? If you are waiting for my call 24/7, then why is it going into voicemail hell and you'll get back to me in a coupla days? I want that diploma mill PhD like now!

And why would I want to deal with either someone this illiterate or a scam trying to avoid the spam filters by using tons of odd spellings? Idiots.

There -- I feel better now.

Dr. Phil